JOSHUA ALWAYS HELD ALEXA’S HAND, EVERYTIME I TURNED AROUND IN THE CAR, THERE THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS, AS AN INFANT, LEXI WOULD LAY IN THE CRIB AND JOSHUA WOULD WAIT FOR US TO GET HER UP EVERY MORNING WITH HIS HAND THROUGH THE BARS OF THE CRIB HOLDING HERS.
Alexa and Joshua remain to be two of the closest, most extraordinary brother and sister I have ever seen. Lexi’s big brother has honored, adored and unconditionally loved her since she was in my belly. I am so proud of my son and through all of the fog and confusion have made it a point to explain to him how very proud I am. As uncontrollable tears streamed down my face I realized I hadn’t told this brave, proud 3 year old brother how much his role, actions and affection affected Alexa’s life in such a way. Joshua was always on Alexa’s mind, especially when she didn’t feel well. I have numerous videos of her on some really bad days, laughing, bouncing around and calling “bub” then I would say ok, call Daddy Lex, and again she would say “bub”. In that soft, beautiful, angelic little voice of hers, it was clear who she needed. Joshua would run in the door everyday that we had to be apart, just like it was the first day he had seen her, “Lexi!! Big Bubbas home honey”. He called her honey, like a little man, a protector, a real big brother. There was never an ounce of jealousy, just lots of love and concern. I could clearly remember two incidents that will always bring tears to my eyes. When Alexa was first admitted to the hospital in April, the very first time her brother came to see her after his first time being apart from her ever, he hovered over the bed with her aunts and I and started singing “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you’ll never know how dear much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away” Those words really did sting at that very moment, and I have a video of that moment, my face tells it all, I couldn’t bear to hear those words “please don’t take my sunshine away”. Another time that distinctly stands out for me was the last time we were in the hospital, as soon as Joshua got into the room he immediately went up to Lexi, she had a feeding tube in her nose and an oxygen canister in her nose, the first thing he said to her was “Lexi, you look so pretty”. An average 3 year old would start asking me what this tube is and whats that doing on her and so on. Not Joshua, he is so very special. He is unbelievable, she is always put first with him, and he continues to involve Alexa in his everyday. He told me that he wanted to build a really, really tall latter so he can bring Lexi’s toys up to heaven for her. He has picked out some of his toys that he says he is bringing to heaven for Lexi when he gets really, really old and gets to go there. You know you’ve got some amazing gifts from God, when your children who are 1 and 3 years old are teaching you all about life. I speak not only for myself, although the depth of my situation couldn’t possibly touch all who love my children the way it touches me, there are some amazing transformations and truths about life, that MY CHILDREN are teaching us here. I cannot explain to anyone, or expect anyone to ever understand how these two have made life here so clear. I will say, beware…to anyone who thinks they know the meaning of this life, beware. I suspect you don’t even realize everyday when you wake, that your child is not yours, your child is a heavenly gift. Our children are just that, gifts from God, if you don’t believe so, one day you will certainly face God, an all will be revealed. I will say that I feel very blessed and extremely lucky that God chose me to be the Mommy of this real Angel. The gifts of love and wisdom, I cannot undermine here, I was given the most surreal experience, and every time I feel myself slipping under and about to lose control, that spark of amazement hits me all over again. As I look into my sons beaming brown eyes, there is a clear answer, it’s straight to the core of my very being here, my purpose, to live like a child, so honest and true, so innocent and full of love, so vibrant about the little pleasures, the gifts from God, the simple ones. My daughter was presented to Jesus as the most pure soul, not one sin…that is truly a blessing. Alexa remains with her big bub every second of the day, he always tells me, “mommy, Lexi is so pretty” “mommy, I love Lexi so much” I know their love and connection will only be strengthened never be broken. I can say with uttermost confidence, I am the proudest Mommy in the entire world. Thank you Jesus for the amazing gifts you have given me in this life.