It’s another one of those days, much like every other day. But today the weight of the world is bearing down on me. I’ve been reading and following too many children that are going through far too much suffering. It’s just boiling inside of me, and then I can’t take it and I just collapse. I know Alexa has changed my heart and soul forever, the agony that I can feel for others is so real, more real than ever before. I wouldn’t want to be any other way, I’m ok with feeling pain, I am living it.
So I let myself put on some music today. I can’t stand silence in my home. It just reminds me that Alexa isn’t running around here screaming, giggling, playing and talking to her Mommy. Asking me constant questions as she would be. Not napping for me, like I know she wouldn’t be. I really don’t like music anymore, it just breaks me down so quickly that all of the strength I’ve built to get through the day just buckles when I hear certain songs. Then there are songs that don’t even relate to Alexa in any way, but just the fact that it’s a song you listen to when you feel really good tears me down. Brown eyed girl came on. Lexi and I danced a lot. I always had music on through the morning and I just couldn’t help but pick her up and dance with her. We listened to a lot of oldies.
My little brown eyed beauty, I just want to pick you up and dance with you so badly, I could dance my life away holding you in my arms…Save a dance for me In Heaven my Angel. I promise I will ask for one.